Hard Front.

I can't understand why I like to put up a hard front and then get emotionally affected behind the scenes. I seriously detest such act and can't believe that I am going through all these again.

When can I get over with it and settle my heart down?
Why do all these emotion roller coaster have to burden me like that?
Why am I forcing myself to get those doubts in him again and again?
Why can't I just trust the words he say flatly into my face?

And now I realise... I still have that trust issue.
I don't wanna break my heart once more, please.
Some one save me.

I should really feel blessed that he's willing to accept my past. I should be generous enough to accepth his too. But why am I feeling this awful now?