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Dear Diary,

Baby has been so busy and I have not been in any help. I am like a log listening to his woes everytime he talks about work. What can I do? And he will end up looking for someone else to assist him, that can give him so many more ideas in life. I am so useless. He don't need me at all.

I became so negative that I keep on telling myself that someday he will find his own way out. He is independent and he know what he wants. I know I have been in a very negative mindset but I don't want it to affect him. Go ahead.. just go and do your own things and leave me alone.. cause I really can't picture myself being the one beside him when he is successful one day.

I hate this awful feeling right now. So unsure and feeling so insecure. I am so lost and lonely. I hate this feeling. I hate being in such state that I feel so crippled. I hate myself, and I keep feeling sorry for myself. I feel myself in a fish tank. He comes around and tickle me when he is free, drop some food and left me all alone after that. I have two dogs, and they are giving me problems at home too.

Can I move out and survive on my own with my two little dogs? I feel like going oversea and live alone without letting anyone know. Then, I will bring my two rascal and spend all the time I want with them.

I need a break. I think its time I sort out my thoughts and see clearly of what I really want. I'm so lost now. I hope i'm not taking things for granted and I will start counting my blessing.

Niki threw up this moring twice. Wintee barked loudly, thrice. I tried canning him, and was on muzzled and he growled at me. Sigh...

Everyone in the house was waiting to use the toilet, and I was running late. I ran to the bus stop and cut my toe. What else is more unfortunate than just 2 hours and so many things happened? Totally not my month.

Tuesday

Baby was out with Hui Fen, so I went home early and brought the kids down. They've been getting alot of attention from Mum and Jonathan lately. Dad is still unhappy with them, but we're trying hard to change the fact. I'm so tired... sigh.

Brought them down and walked for 30mins. Niki finally poop after one two days.

Cute little rascals. :D

They're so impatient!!

Mum and Jonathan went down together to pack dinner while I bring them two for their walks.

Now they know they have to stop before the roads. Niki will sit down automatically when we reach the same spot ! YAY~ But wintee is still excited that needs reminder.

Cleaned them up and initially wanted to shower them. But they were not as dirty, so I just washed they feets. They played and Niki keeps growling.

They had Pork for dinner and I left kibbles for them.

Niki's so fluffy now!

Cute!!

And Wintee's fur seems too short for full grooming yet leh. Hmm, i'm still thinking should I just bring them for basic grooming will do?

We went into the room around 8pm.

I was so bored and there wasn't any nice shows.

HAHAHAH !!

Look at Niki's face!!

I don't know where all his expression came from la.. But he's so funny..

And Wintee... he only wants FOOOOD !

Yes there's a treat on my hand.

*slurp*

*smiles*

And lights off at 9pm

I texted baby, but he didn't reply.

They fell asleep fast, and I quickly went to sleep.

Niki woke me up around 11plus, look at the bowl of kibbles, he whined. I knew that he was hungry but he refuse to take the kibbles. I didn't bother about him but hugged him to sleep.

All three of us didn't sleep very well. Niki growled a couple of times at Wintee, and Wintee barked a few times too, making me putting the muzzle on him. I know its cruel, but dad is at home. I don't want any trouble when he's around.

Sighs.. I need a solution to that.

And for me, I keep waking up to check my phone, until a point of time I couldn't take it anymore. I decided to text him to see if he is still out. Yes he is, and his reply was damn slow. I got pissed.

I noticed that when he is out, he don't reply me anymore. I feel distant and feel insecure. Is it so tough to reply me? Don't you check your phone every now and then? And I was so pissed that I couldn't really sleep. I lay around, disturbing the two but they were tired by then that they didn't wanna play with me. =(

And more negative thoughts came into my mind.

Sighs..... I'm so angry with myself!!!

Bothering.

Something's bothering me so much but I don't know what! And it's pretty disturbing cuz no matter what I do, it's not helping to get my mood moving. Sigh .....

Monday Blues, Not!

Yeah, not with the kids around ;D
I am always happy when i'm home, seeing my two little rascal! Just like how I saw this saying on facebook by someone: "Sometimes I wish I could just disappear with my furkid"

YES!!! Sometimes I wish too.
Just by doing nothing, and walking them is good way to chill. I like it, and they like it too! :D

Baby was here for awhile after our dinner.
Look at Niki !!! Aww*

Love his furry face!
But gotta bring him and Wintee for grooming already. They're getting a little messy. I've been told that Yappily provide very good services. Maybe should I try to bring them there this weekend? But but but... Niki and Wintee's fur is not very long yet leh~

Maybe I should just bring them for basic grooming to trim their nails and shave off a little?

Lights off at 8pm, I was tired.
But they couldn't sleep, so they played.
And I watched them play with my dim lights on.

Niki manage to pin him down.
LOL!

I need a better camera.
I realise that a lot of my photos of them aren't clear.
Sigh...

And later on, naughty Niki went to explore Wintee's bed, which is beside the toy basket. Niki keep digging at Wintee's bed and Wintee just look at him like "Hey, don't mess up leh...... :(" with the sian face, and he could do nothing about it.



LOL. And the day ended by having them sleeping beside me. :) Someone finishes the kibbles again. Gooy boy.

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Monday blues at work. Felt so shitty cause there're so many urgent things on Mondays. And sometimes I feel that Customers are just taking us for granted. They think we are free loaders and expect us to fulfil every little task for them like a king.

But anyway, I was a little moody as well la and wasn't feeling very well about it. Was pissed with something but I dont know what. So... Baby called only when i'm alighting my bus at CWP. He told me he wasn't at WGS and will tell me more later on.

"Warao ~~ Why u didn't tell me!!" I was thinking.
Ok, I didn't mean to think this way but was pissed because I didn't like the feeling of not being informed. I have told him before, but this is just a small issue so ALRIGHT!

Was waiting for him and waited for more than 10mins, so I called him. He was waiting at the bus stop for me! T.T~ "AIYO!! Why he didn't call me !!!" But nevermind, we meet and he told me he's heading home after dinner, AND he wasn't very hungry.

"WARAO!!! THEN DON'T MEET ME LA!! Rush here rush there and u're not even hungry.. then meet awhile need to go back.." And again, I was pissed because he have made plans and didn't inform me. I could have brought my work back to do and I could have plan my own stuff.

He said it was last minute thing... so Fine.

What else can I say. But but... he ended up accompanying me for another hour trying to calm me down. LOL. I think i'm too much now. But I really didn't stop him from going off cause I know i'll be fine in a while. keke.