Over Reacting

Am I?
Or all the girlfriends are like that?
Is this something considered overboard?

You judge.
At my point of view, I felt so left out, unwanted, unimportant.

The supposingly lunch session became an evening thing without me knowing, and extended itself through the night at a drinking bar. And I can do nothing but to wait at home for his return to go dinner together.. I don't even know if he have eaten, so I waited for him. I don't know what time he'll be back, neither do I wish to press him for a curfew. And so I waited. He texted me, saying that he was in the toilet, AND I THOUGHT HE WAS DONE, COMING TO MEET ME SOON but I found myself lying to myself. He went to lilys after 6pm.

And how the hell would I know that a drinking session will last till 1am?

He keep telling me he misses me and love me but end up still getting stucked at the bar, how much can I believe at that point of time? Drinking with his friends and hanging out... If that is the case, I'd rather he not call me to REMIND me that he is still outside!

The evening weather was so good for a walk and I thought he'll come back early to me. But no. I was so worked up that I know anytime I could scream at him over the phone to get his ass back here right now! But I didn't. I try calming myself down and told myself that I gotta be independent. I don't need him to survive and I can handle myself... And I don't know why he keep insisting that I'm angry over his friends. That gets to my nerves! And I blew up right at his face!

I begged him to ignore me for that moment but he rejected and wanted an explaination. Seriously, I couldn't control my emotions at that point of time. How? We keep talking through the phone, he couldn't hear me properly, and he didn't wanna come back now. I felt so disappointed cause no matter how much I explain, he is still with his friends, so Why Talk Now? But he didn't wanna get over with it and insisted to talk things out. I didn't like it.

Sigh... I don't know how to make him understand that it's not that I forbids him to go out with his friends, but at least inform me that he won't be coming back and won't be meeting me so that I don't keep waiting..

He ask me Why didn't I clarify with him earlier. And to be frank here, I didn't want to because I don't wanna sounds like I'm restricting him, controling him to that extend and ask him why this and why that. Also, I was feeling a bit upset already when he didn't text me after he went out........it left me feeling so unimportant! And I knew my words are not gonna be nice if I did talk to him so I chose not to. Lastly, a little part of me also didn't wanna hear the answer actually.......

I don't know how many girls does the same, but for me............... I tend to think a lot and bottle my feelings up. Am I wrong?

I wanted to do something to spike him actually. Go for a movie, shopping or ktv........ or worst, to Ginza ALONE. I have that revengeful thinking of wanting to let him feel how awful it felt to have your partner 'abandon' you for other stuff without informing you. I tried to act pityful to gain his attention but somwhow, his friends were occupying him so much that he didn't notice my weird beheavior. The saddening part was that he didn't even notice when I started not replying him nor picking up his calls. Sometimes.... it just shows how 'important' you are, to a person. Sigh .... Am I overboard?

I ended up bringing Niki to Joreen's place to pass her those doggy stuff I bought from Bangkok. At least a reasonsable reason for me to sneak out. I know I can't stay at home.

You know something? I even thought of going down to lilys and venge my anger on him that very point of time! I think i'm crazy, having depression or something. But luckily, my brain is still in control..... I ended up forcing myself to sleep.........

I really don't know how my life ended up like that. The reason why I hate relationships is because of this hurtful feeling that I don't know how to overcome. And at some point of time, I even think of giving up this relationship to free my heart from the drepssing feeling.

I am a girl. I need a lot of attention and assurance.
The assurance he gave me verbally didn't match with his actions and therefore all those nonsense came out. And I can still feel the pain right now...

He came over my place after his session, reaching around 2am, half drunk. He couldn't even talk properly to me. I should have asked him to go home instead of seeing him this way. Make me so mad!! But I know he just want to show me that he cares. And he told me he's stressed out... THEN ME LEH! dislike.

Hais! I really don't know where has gone wrong. Am I too sensetive?